I can’t believe it’s already February of 2024.

I have to admit no one prepares you for this part. After school, I mean. I write these little blog updates in hope that it will help someone out there. I haven’t written in a while lately so this feels good. So much happened I don’t even think I can write about my 2023 in one blog post.

My last blog post was inspired by a clip I found 3 years ago. It was in my drafts and I finally got the courage to post it. I’ll be blogging more often now though.

I looked back at my previous blog posts and there are many typos so please excuse it.

I am not going to change it though because it’s a good representation of the fact that not everything has to be perfect. And plus, it’s cute. Well I mean, I can guarantee you I’m still going to make a lot of typo’s and the perfectionist in me is screaming right now. But like I said, I’m going to leave it right there.

But anyway, I graduated from high school a few months ago and it’s been quite the journey. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears went into it, and now it’s over. It was like during school I was sitting against the door peeking through the keyhole wondering when am I going to escape. Now I’m on the other side of the door looking back and looking forward and having no idea what’s going to happen next.

Or maybe I do, but I just like to keep God in the loop of my plans. I don’t want to do anything without Him, afterall, it is His plan over mine. What I do want to mention is that if you have a dream – protect it. People these days hate to see you happy and pray against you whether subconsciously or not.

This includes family.

Despite what anyone says, chase it and chase it silently because once you finally get a hold of that dream, you’re going to make an impact so loud it will ripple across the world.

Look, I know my likes and dislikes, it just feels like time is going so slowly.

And I’m not going to lie, my 2024 didn’t really start off with a bang, or maybe it did. Just not the bang I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong I am grateful. It’s just that I have so many questions unanswered, and so many prayers that bounce off the ceiling. And all because of what? For character development? I spoke to my sister about it too. 

There’s this thing that bothers me. Why do we need to struggle in order to succeed? It’s like this world consists of 2 parts, those who get it easy and those who struggle to get somewhere. But no matter which one you’re part of, you are still susceptible to feeling empty, and alone.

There are so many videos and quotes saying if you don’t do something with your life then it’s your problem. But what about everything around us? Are we not allowed to feel the way we feel?

I don’t get it if I’m being honest. I got what I prayed for, my academic results are excellent. I studied 5 hard years to get where I am and in that brief moment, I cried and went to my knees thanking God. 

But then I felt a sense of apathy. I am grateful for the education I got, trust me but I do find fault in the education system that’s for sure. But maybe that’s for another blog post. 

I’m not asking to be spoon-fed, I strive for independence and I need it desperately, but surely you don’t have to be alone in this world. 

Surely there’s someone out there who can look at me and say “No, I’m not giving up on you. I want to see you chase your dreams, despite what everyone says”. Why is this so much to ask for and why is chasing dreams underrated?

Like my sister says God gave Adam Eve. In Genesis 2:18 God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” We are not meant to do this life alone. I know I’m only 18 but it feels like I have been through 80 years of pain. I carried my own, my mom’s, my sisters, my aunts, my grandmother’s. And on another note, why do I have to witness people getting hurt? Everyone around me I see is falling apart.

It’s like no one is genuinely happy anymore so that begs the question, what went wrong? Was this just after covid?

Despite all this, I truly believe that this year is a year of change. I’m coming for this year and I claim it. Nothing is going to hold me back anymore. You only have one life and I hate to sound cliché but now that I’m out of school – the world is my oyster. 

And yes, I also feel so stagnant but it’s all in God’s timing.